Losing my dad was incredibly painful.
Not long after while my brother and I were playing together, we were abducted by two men. I was sexually assaulted as my brother watched.
When I heard about God, a Heavenly Father, all I felt was betrayal and longing.
Why didn't my dad love me?
Why didn't God protect me?
For most of my life I would joke about not having the "god gene." I was sure I was wired differently. Other people felt God, but not me.
He wanted nothing to do with me.
I wasn't good enough for him.
I realize now that the way I talked about God, both to others and to myself, showed that I actually did believe in God. I couldn't feel like God had forsaken me if he didn't exist.
I made this video after attending the Alpine Church. They filled me with God's love during the service and then sent me home with a box of love from the congregation.
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